I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
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i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
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TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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