Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
