I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
