dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
