Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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