this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
