A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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