i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
