i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
