Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
