If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
