last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
