Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
