just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
