In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
