had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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