We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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