I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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