i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
