I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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