Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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