Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
They took my balls.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
