I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
