winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
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It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
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Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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