I molested 6 butterflies tonight
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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