Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
