The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
