please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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