dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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