make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
