she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Small penises have feelings too.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
