he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
