i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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