when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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