He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
