I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
