I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
