you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
All I want is dick and wine.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
