You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
It's just like the Real World with babies
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
