Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
