I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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