I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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