Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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