I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
