i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
