happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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