I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
