Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
