glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize