you thought your balls were fighting each other...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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