well I can't set my house on fire every night
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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