Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
