The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
