Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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