my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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