just tell him i said nine months
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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