Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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