That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Every concussion has its silver lining
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
