but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
