I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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