your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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