I murdered the dance floor call the cops
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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